Welcome to my blooogg!! Refreshments are at the back table, kick off your shoes and make yourself comfortable! This episode we’re gonna talk about heartbreak and the seemingly negative, positive effects it has on life as we know it!
**House band plays funky music plays as the audience barely claps on beat**
In general life has a way of teaching you new skills and enhancing ones you have learned in the past, but heartbreak gives life lessons a bit more flair. She bursts through the doors demanding all of your attention and energy until she is done teaching you all that she needs to. She’s disruptive, unavoidable and has a wealth of wisdom if you listen to what she says.
Me: *Having a pleasant day*
Heartbreak: “HELLO I’M HEARTBREAK, CLASS IS NOW IN SESSION.”
“Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us.”
1. Level Up
Going to the next level in a game usually means you get a couple of new powers, higher HP, and a skills boost of some sort. The equivalent for me has been x-ray vision (social discernment), force fields (boundaries), and enhanced clairvoyance (empathy).
X-Ray Vision– In heartbreak the good times don’t roll like they used to and you learn very quickly who can’t go off-road. Some can’t because it’s too heavy, some because they were never really in your corner, and others because they’re immature or are still expecting a version of you that is no longer available. All you can do is let these people exit or guide them to the exit because there will only be more heartache if you hold on to the mirage of a connection. The key is to not lock any doors, it’s a prideful response because you never know what God will do with a relationship in the future. I try to use vocabulary like “for now” “later” or “at this moment in time” because I only know what isn’t working in this present season not in the next.
Force Fields– The most poignant truth my previous therapist told me was “Anijah, you cannot have a productive discussion with someone who is attached to a false reality.” A gift and a curse of mine is my desire to make peace with everyone. This desire drives me to have as many heart to hearts and mediated honest discussions as possible until all is well with someone. I forgot one scripture that can quell this endless struggle:
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
-Romans 12:18 NIV
Heartbreak has taught me that you can’t force peace, but you can cultivate a space where it can thrive in your heart, mind, and life. Part of this cultivation is found in forming strong boundaries and realising when you’re punching against a brick wall. You can only be understood by people who are willing to understand and this fact goes both ways. My responsibility is to give an honest effort in reconciliation and trust God from there. But this is still so difficult for me, because I’m trying to create a quality of Heaven that will not be fully realised on this side of time.
Clairvoyance– I’ve always felt a lot of feelings and the feelings of others, but heartbreak has cracked me open even more. Legit, if a child is crying near me I start to tear up now. If I see a bird struggling to fly I’m on the verge of a meltdown. When everyone is stressed in my office, whether they say so or not, it’s a nearly physical weight on my being. It is pretty overwhelming, but in a weird way I feel more in tune with the world around me. At the same time it makes me so sad that I can’t save the world or myself for that matter, so I do what I can. I make a joke, write a post, DJ a party, lend an ear, and await the day when all the tears are wiped from our eyes.
2. You Find You
Yes, a palindromic phrase, bask in it. When you are cut to your core by the disappointments of yourself, life and humans, you are able to see the icky and interesting details of who you are. You begin to notice how certain events and interactions in your life have molded how you communicate, your coping mechanisms, and the way you think. The dots all begin to connect because heartbreak has cleared the fog of expectations, avoidance, and distraction.
You have an out of body experience as you gaze upon your shattered self, seeing each shard in its own light. It’s overwhelming because you observe in yourself so many things you need to work through, unlearn and heal from. But eventually you begin to imagine who you could be on the other side of the tough task that is self-realisation.
As I mentioned in many posts, a lot of who I thought I was has vanished and it was terrifying. But my new perspective on it is, whoever I really am will survive through this deep trial. There are many learned traits, but few are innate. For me, I’ve learned my built in qualities are humour, creativity, and deep introspection. A piece of me I was surprised to find out wasn’t a core quality was being outgoing. My current social ceiling is coffee with one maaayybbeee two people. Beyond that, expect me to be indoors in my lounge clothes watching Hey Arnold for the 80th time. But then again, maybe those other qualities are simply hibernating.
3. Jesus is Amazing
Well duh. But in heartbreak you see the clearest where you and Jesus are quite different when it comes to loving people, praying to God, forgiveness, and faith. Between the Last Supper and the Crucifixion alone Jesus had to have gone through at least 5 major heartbreaks. Not only that, but he dove headfirst into that heartbreak with the Father filled to the brim with raw emotion, physical pain, and mental unrest. And this is the expectation set upon me and, surprisingly, I feel more in awe than I do crushed under the weight of Jesus’ perfect response to pain.
Even though I wouldn’t say it out loud I believed that Jesus didn’t truly understand what it was like to be human. If anything, I figured He had a beyond human experience on earth because all that He went through and did was so extreme. Yet in my heartbreak, Jesus has become more realistic. I find myself still loving those who broke my spirit, desiring to make the world a better place and believing, though I feel distant, that God’s love hasn’t fully run out. In that light, I see how Jesus has imparted a bit more of Himself to me than I thought I originally had received.
“‘Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,’
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”
And that is what has been in my personalised curriculum as I have been attending The Academy of Broken Hearts.
Moore Awaits ♥️