🎶 BAAAHHH DEE YAH DANCIN’ IN SEPTEMBAH 🎶
Thank you for visiting yet another post of mine or giving it a read for the first time! For you interesting folks who love summer, I hope you’re soaking up the last of it well!
I decided to post a draft from the beginning of this year that I never got around to publishing. I reread it recently and thought, “Hey, why haven’t I posted that yet?” So here I am…posting it. Enjoy!
Have you ever learned something too late? And if you had learned it sooner things would be very different?
For me, in a smaller sense, I think of how I did not understand geometry until about three or four years after the class. I have no idea why it didn’t make sense at the time and I was really frustrated when I finally understood how to add up the degrees of the angles since I didn’t need it anymore. But the nice thing is, now I can tutor teenagers if they’re having trouble with geometry. It was too late for me but it’s not too late for them.
On a serious note, I learned a lesson about how to treat someone too late. I have this interesting pattern of firework friendships. They are an instant burst of energy, love, drama, and fun. But they fade quickly only leaving behind smoke, debris and eventually nothing. This has followed me since high school and it has haunted me in my walk with God and his people. Due to this, I grew to expect that no one I really connected with would stay in my life.
A few years ago, there was a special firework, one that was not like any of the others. It exploded brighter and was much louder than the previous ones combined. And I was scared. I was afraid that it would fade away fast, so I reacted obsessively and possessively. Instead of trusting God and believing that maybe, just maybe, not every person who blooms bright in my life has to leave quickly, I decided to function out of fear.
Perhaps one of the greatest tragedies of my life thus far, was seeing this friendship horribly fall apart.
I didn’t know when I would end up sharing more deeply about this in my blog, I never knew when the right time would be, or if there was even a good time to do it. But I don’t want other people to learn a lesson too late like I did. I have a great opportunity with this blog to give cautionary tales, encouragement, and insight.
I pray that there is one person who reads this and decides to act differently before it is too late for them. I can only blame myself for my sin and behaving out of believed scarcity instead of true abundance.
I have no idea how long the regret and the guilt will last, but I know that I am forgiven by God and that has to be enough. I’ve heard it said that the greatest apology is changed behavior. I’ve been apologizing a lot and not realizing it. What isn’t too late for me, is to be better. To be the friend I wish I had been right away to the firework I lost.
It’s not too late for me to trust God and it’s not too late for me to believe that he will continue to transform me. I may have lost a battle but the war is already won, I am victorious in Christ. And every day I have to fight to believe that, I have to believe that He is greater than my mistakes.
And there ya have it.
I have lost more friendships and hit more walls since writing that post and it has honestly made me hate myself and life. I’m a day off from National Suicide Prevention Week, but I still wanted to share a couple of resources that have helped me through this painful year that may help someone else out there:
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline– 1-800-273-8255
- The Mighty – A one stop shop for useful articles and a mental health community
- Morgan Harper Nichols– A super uplifting Instagram account I follow
- The Blurt Foundation– Awesome Instagram account and a great foundation
- Psychology Today– The easiest place to find a therapist (IMO)
- Nothing Much Happens– THE podcast I listen to on Spotify when I’m recovering from a panic attack. Their tagline is “Bedtime Stories for Grown-Ups” and it’s true!
If your thoughts are getting dark please tell someone (It’s tough I know). If someone trusts you enough to share their dark thoughts with you take it seriously. Hope and love seem elusive but they’re out there.
Moore Awaits ♥️