Welcome, or welcome back, to my blog. Hope you’ve been doing weeeelll and if not I hope you’ve been learniiiing. There’s always something to be gained 😃
Niceties aside, this week started off rough. This year has been full of things ending earlier than I hoped, being postponed, or just straight up missing an experience altogether. I’ve been faring pretty well since it’s been happening SO much this year, but realising I had to miss my dear friend’s wedding last weekend was a punch to my soul.
It was like this huge bellowing voice that said “HOOOOW LOOOONG LOOOORRRRDD” was echoing throughout my insides. The longer I live, the more the Psalms of David resonate with my very being.
See, I know the deepest longing I have will not be fulfilled until the next life. The longing for there to be no more death, sadness, and difficulties. The longing to finally rest and not worry about anything. The longing to have no more longing, to be completely satisfied. But sometimes it’s just really tough down here and I know every person reading this can relate because we’re all in that longing state. (Heh, that rhymed.)
“So what did you do Anijah?”
Welp, as I sat down at my little call centre desk Monday morning on the verge of tears, I began to write and process my feelings. It was often interrupted by needy customers, but I was able to work through the emotions successfully. The thought process started with, “Life sucks.” A bit of a moody preteen approach, but God already views me as a child so we’re all good there. Then I began to think about what I went over earlier that morning in this book I’m reading called Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb.
The topic of that morning happened to be on Hebrews 11 and how the hope God has in mind for us is vastly different from what we’d expect. In the past, I would read something like that and my skin would crawl, but as I read through the chapter I nodded with peace and that totally freaked me out to be honest. I’m changiiiiiinnnggg!!
Please tell me you know what movie this is from.
Even in this spiritual growth spurt I’ve been having, it does not make me impervious to sorrow, frustration and disappointment. No one in Hebrews 11, which is sometimes referred to as the “Hall of Faith”, made it through the fires of life unscathed. Yet they trusted. That’s the kind of heart God is searching for in us. Not the kind that toughs it out with a fake smile or tries to overcome by their own means, but one who relies on Him in all circumstances. One who’s willing to cry out to Him like a child, unashamed of the emotions that can be too much to bear alone.
A broken and contrite heart He will not despise.
He draws near to those who draw near to Him.
He remembers we are dust and He knows we’re just aloof sheep who don’t know which way is up.
By the time I worked through all of these thoughts, it felt like God had just thrown me a life preserver to keep me afloat. My heart was better able to accept the sadness of the moment and I had hope that beyond this life I will never have to miss out on the greatest things.
My encouragement to you, dear reader, is that you will let God into your deepest disappointments and wounds. Allow Him to heal your heart and change your mind about certain situations. Even if they’re not the most intense of situations, but they still matter to you, connect with Him about it. Vulnerability and humility before God will always yield great fruit.
“The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. You will not despise a broken and humbled heart, God.”
-Psalm 51:17 CSB
Love you all and praying for you.
Moore Awaits ♥️