Happy aaaalllmost Fall (Autumn) Everyone!!I could cry y’all, it’s my favorite season. And summer is my least favorite season and I just lived through THREE OF THEM. THREEEEEEEEE. So I am quite ready for that crisp Fall air my friends.
I’ve been back stateside about as long as I was gone in Australia now and it’s been a wild ride as you can tell from my previous posts. As always, thank you so much for taking the time to read, I hope it’s been beneficial in some way to you ♥️
As I’ve been reading, thinking, praying, and observing, something dawned on me in early July. The hot mess unraveling of my life might partially be due to a few prayers I’ve consistently sent up over the past 4 or 5 years.The ones I think of specifically are:
- “God, please increase my trust in you.”
- “Help me to love you more than anything or anyone else, including myself.”
- “I pray you will bind my heart to yours.”
- “Help me to connect with you as deeply as she connects with you.”
There were times, especially in the past couple of years, where I seemed to be drifting further away from these things I was asking of God. Once the opportunity to go to Australia appeared, I prayed almost every day, “Father, do not let me go to Australia if I’m going to end up leaving you. If you’re not coming with me, I don’t want to go.”
There were a few key things and people that seemed almost tailor-made for me that led to this steep spiritual learning curve I’m in the midst of now. Each of them led to a serious heartbreak and pain which threw me at the feet of God. This had me wondering throughout this summer, “Was there really no other way to answer these prayers?”
If you’ve seen Avengers: Infinity War, it makes me think of the scene where Doctor Strange is considering all of the different possibilities of how Thanos can be defeated.At the end of his hyper-speed twitch fest, he comes to only one solution out of millions that would result in a victory. Since none of the other Avengers had the ability to see such things, they just had to trust him.
Jesus found himself in a similar position when He was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tested and also in the Garden of Gethsemane when He pleaded with the Father for His cup of suffering to be taken away. For some reason, these events were the only viable option for him to glorify the Father and save us.
Of course, I’m definitely nowhere near as righteous, but the argument still holds up. I think of a few scriptures:
“Before you made me suffer, I used to wander off, but now I hold to your Word.”
“It is good that I had to suffer to learn your laws.”
-Psalm 119:67, 71
“Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered”
Hardship is the great equalizer. A tool God is not shy about using in order to further set us apart and make us like Him. Failures, break-ups, job loss, illness, realisation of sin, sudden misfortunes, and the list goes on and on. They are for our benefit if we decide to humble ourselves.
“Our shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. Pain is a tragedy. But it’s never only a tragedy. For the Christian, it’s always a necessary mile on the long journey to joy.”
–Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb
It’s been interesting to have a circle of commentators like Job (who I am also nowhere near as righteous as) who have been pitching their different theories about my life and what’s happening.
“Did you actually fast and pray before you went to Australia? God couldn’t have led you there.”
“I think God’s preparing you for your husband!”
“He’s going to keep you in Texas until you finally love it.”
“You’ll get a job as soon as you confront this issue.”blahblahblerghbluebleeeeeh
Nobody knows what’s going on up in the spiritual realm, His ways are not our ways. But, I can trust that God will definitely do the ultimate good with the perfect method. I can’t speak to most of the of theories posed to me, but I know I have not grown this much in a long periololically time.
As rough as these past couple of years have been, I wouldn’t change a thing because it has humbled me to a point where I can see God in way I constantly prayed I would. I’m more aware of the snares I can get trapped in. My compassion is deeper for others, I love them where they’re at and forgive more readily. I’m getting better at letting go, A FULL BLOWN MIRACLE. To God’s glory there are even more things, but I’ll stop here.
Would this have happened if I got everything I wanted? If Australia was a breeze? If I got a great job right away when I moved back? I can’t know for sure, but I really don’t think so. Some things are only learned through difficult times. As the saying goes, “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.”
I am grateful that God doesn’t only use storms to humble us out. I look forward to the next patch of calm waters, but I am so grateful for how He has strengthened me in this difficult season. Moore Awaits ♥️